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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23433961">Pretty Witchers and Evil Bards</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyThoughts/pseuds/TinyThoughts'>TinyThoughts</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Pretty evil things [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Author Is Sleep Deprived, Geralt is infatueted, I was wrong, Idiots in Love, Jaskier is a little drunk, Jealous Jaskier | Dandelion, M/M, Short, There will be words, i thought this was a oneshot, welcome to stupid cute</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:14:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,807</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23433961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyThoughts/pseuds/TinyThoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaskier arrives just in time to see Geralt blush furiously. He didn’t know he could do that. A little lost, he just stands there. He barely registers the soft evil barmaid swaggering up to him with a tray of empty glasses and tankards.<br/>“Need something, hun?” She says, kindly. Jaskier hates her a little for it. He tears his eyes from the shocking sight of a blushing witcher.<br/>“Uh.. Mmm, sorry yes. Could I have a flagon of wine to bring to the room?”<br/>“Sure thing dear.” She saunters away, hips swaying. Any other night he would have admired it, maybe find a way to admire it more intimately. But tonight, she is the enemy.</p><p>The enemy returns with his wine, and Jaskier all but flees up the stairs. </p><p>There will be words when Geralt returns. If he returns.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Pretty evil things [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>231</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Pretty Witchers and Evil Bards</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Because I am easily persuaded and had to spend my day off writing this. Because I love my stupid boys. Because I love all of you out there reading it! Thank you so much for kudos and comments!! Hope you like this next part as much!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~~~~~~*~~~~~</p><p>Jaskier is absolutely miserable.</p><p>He throws himself into bed dramatically, as is his forte. Absently trying to kick off his boots, face down in the pillow.</p><p>Why did this have to happen? No doubt Geralt would be down there for hours more, and he really can’t blame him.</p><p>Well. Yes he can. He can blame him a little.</p><p>Because there was a wonderful specimen of barding perfection right next to him. <br/>A much better option.</p><p>His left godsdamned boot won't let go. He peeks down at it.</p><p>“You betraying me too, huh?” He asks it.</p><p>Luckily, the boot doesn’t answer. If it did, it would either mean that he lost his mind, or he would have to go fetch Geralt.</p><p>He’d rather not go fetch Geralt right now.</p><p>He wiggles his leg, feebly trying to free himself.</p><p>You know what? So what if he wants Geralt? Geralt is a glorious piece of manmeat anyway, and obviously he is not the only one thinking it.</p><p>Some who had approached Jaskier for some late night adult fun had even asked him if the witcher would mind joining them. <br/>He might have to reevaluate what stung back then though.</p><p>Wine. Jaskier needs wine.</p><p>He needs to drown thoughts of mouthwatering witchers and betrayed friendships. <br/>But that includes going down there. <br/>To them.</p><p>Or does it?</p><p>He stops his wiggling, thinking about it. Jaskier is a big boy. He can get himself some wine.</p><p>No problem! The Epic Boot Battle ends with Jaskier finally just pulling the offending thing off with both hands, standing up.</p><p>Like a cat, (also barefoot) he sneaks out of their room, down the stairs.</p><p>Jaskier arrives just in time to see Geralt blush furiously.</p><p>He didn’t know he could do that.</p><p>A little lost, he just stands there.</p><p>He barely registers the soft evil barmaid swaggering up to him with a tray of empty glasses and tankards.</p><p>“Need something, hun?” She says, kindly. Jaskier hates her a little for it.</p><p>He tears his eyes from the shocking sight of a blushing witcher.</p><p>“Uh.. Mmm, sorry yes. Could I have a flagon of wine to bring to the room?”</p><p>“Sure thing dear.” She saunters away, hips swaying. Any other night he would have admired it, maybe find a way to admire it more intimately.</p><p>But tonight, she is the enemy.</p><p>The enemy returns with his wine, and Jaskier all but flees up the stairs.</p><p>There will be words when Geralt returns.</p><p>If he returns.</p><p>~~*~~</p><p>Geralt is… feeling things.</p><p>He had not expected Bella to be so perceptive. She had shared his bed before, and he wouldn’t have minded sharing it again.</p><p>Now he minds. <br/>Sharing a room with Jaskier suddenly sucks a lot more than normal, because that wretched woman just put words on what he has been denying for ages.</p><p>And he just gave Jaskier the impression that he was spending the night with Bella.</p><p>On purpose.</p><p>Because he is an idiot.</p><p>Geralt decides to stay at the table for a while.</p><p>Refuse to choose the lesser evil and all that. <br/>The other patrons are lively and they like him here for the most part. <br/>He had taken a contract here last year, ridding them of a werewolf tormenting their village. As it turns out, the werewolf were none other than their equally oppressive mayor, and the people had prospered without him.</p><p>So yes, he was welcome here.</p><p>He watches the other patrons for a while, talks a little bit more to Bella, although a bit more stiffly now. <br/>She smiles knowingly and a far bit more evil than he thought her capable of. He can stand it for about an hour.</p><p>That must be enough. Hopefully Jaskier is asleep by now.</p><p>Bella kisses his cheek and wishes him luck when he excuses himself for the night.</p><p>Evil woman.</p><p>Jaskier is not asleep.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>He is sitting by the table in the middle of the room, arms crossed over his chest, glaring over his glass of wine.</p><p>Geralt closes the door behind him, not sure if he actually should just run away. Take Roach and ride away in the night.</p><p>“Sit down, Geralt.” Jaskir says in a voice he doesn’t recognize. Not good.</p><p>Warily Geralt sits down on the opposite chair. The night had started out so good.</p><p>“We are friends, right?”... What? “You know me and I know you? Like, I know you like sweet cakes but pretend you don’t. How you prefer sunrise to sunset. And you know how I am really scared of heights.”</p><p>Geralt had not expected Jaskier to have noticed that about him. He grunts noncommittally, not wanting to confirm nor deny. <br/>Wrong answer.</p><p>Jaskier frowns, leaning forward.</p><p>“Really? That’s all you’re giving me?” He sounds kind of hurt. <br/>And a little drunk, Geralt realizes, noticing for the first time just how little wine there is left.</p><p>Jaskier stands up, walking agitated around the room.</p><p>“I am <em>shook</em>, Geralt, to my very core.” Geralt is a little nervous, he is not sure where Jaskier is going with this, what his point is.</p><p>Did he want Bella or something?</p><p>Or far worse, had he heard her?</p><p>“Did I do something wrong?” Jaskier stops with his back to him.</p><p>Geralt doesn’t understand.</p><p>“I .. don’t understand.” He admits.</p><p>Jaskier whips around and pins him with a glare.</p><p>“Am I unclear? You have HURT me, Geralt, wounded me. If I ever want you to tell me about something, I have to threaten you, nag at you, anything to coax a WORD out of you.”</p><p>Jaskier starts pacing again, and Geralt is trying to puzzle together what Jaskier is hurting over.</p><p>Jaskier stops again. Studies Geralt, and he can see an idea take form in his eyes.</p><p>There is that satisfied glint, like a cat finding a way to trap its prey.</p><p>“Maybe I went about this the wrong way.” Jaskier says, looking at him with those blue, blue eyes through his lashes.</p><p>Geralt's heart skips a beat. Does he know what effect he has on him when he does that?</p><p>The bard stalks over to Geralt's chair and looks down on him. <br/>Considering.</p><p>And then, without preamble, he grabs Geralt's arms and moves them out of the way and plops down in his laps.</p><p>Jaskier is sitting in his lap. Their legs warm against each other, and then Jaskier arranges Geralt's arm around him.</p><p>This is not normal.</p><p>Something is weird with Jaskier.</p><p>Did someone put a spell on him?</p><p>Geralt can only stare, bewildered. Jaskier is always physically affectionate, always prone to hugging or patting shoulders, offering massages.</p><p>Drunk Jaskier is always worse, impulse control getting them in so much trouble.</p><p>It’s also what produces images of what Geralt would like to do to Jaskier. <br/>With Jaskier.</p><p>Against tables for example. Or placed in his lap. He gulps.</p><p>“If this is how to get you to talk, this is what I’ll do.” Jaskier leans against Geralt's chest.</p><p>It was nice when Bella did it, but when Jaskier does it Geralt stops working.</p><p>Jaskier narrows his eyes at him, like he is threatening him. Geralt can see his pulse jump under the thin skin of his neck.</p><p>When Geralt fails to give a satisfactory response he pouts a little.</p><p>“Or do I need boobs for this?” Jaskier looks down on his own chest, cupping his nonexistent breasts.</p><p>Geralt swallows.</p><p>“Is there something you would like to know?” he manages to get out, already regretting it, trying not to combust under Jaskier.</p><p>“As a matter of fact, yes, Geralt. I would very much like to know what had you blush like that.”</p><p>Fuck. FUCK.</p><p>“And she wasn’t even in your lap then, so I'm guessing it is something she said. But you are here now, so it woudln’t be sexrelated.” Jaskier muses.</p><p>It takes everything he has not to push the bard off his lap and just run. <br/>Fight or flight.</p><p>“Why do you care?” Geralt blurts out.</p><p>“Because, Geralt, you told her things. It didn’t even take a question, and you fucking told her about a scar it took me a WEEK to get out of you.”</p><p>Wait.</p><p>“Jaskier… Are you jealous?”</p><p>What if he is? What if Bella is right?</p><p>What if..?</p><p>Two tense seconds of silence follows. The longest two seconds of Geralt's entire life.</p><p>“So what if I am?” The pout is back, worse than ever.</p><p>Geralt has to grab Jaskiers hips so that he won’t fall off when he flails his arms around.</p><p>“I am your very best friend in the whole wide world, and you tell some…some wench things so freely.”</p><p>Geralt can’t say anything.</p><p>His hands are on Jaskier, and he clench them in the fabric of Jaskiers clothes so he won’t do something stupid.</p><p>Like lifting him the fuck up and press him down on the table instead.</p><p>But Geralt is a very, very controlled man.</p><p>He can do this.</p><p>Jaskier grabs his face, cupping his cheeks, making the witcher meet his eyes.</p><p>“What if she did something <em>bad</em> to you, Geralt. She could totally try to get information to use against you! You are a very handsome man and sometimes that makes--”</p><p>“--I uh… Sorry. What was the question again?” He breaks in, because Jaskier is working up to a ramble.</p><p>“Why the fuck were you blushing Geralt?”</p><p>Apparently, talking about it is enough for the heat to return to his face.</p><p>“She uh… she told me to tell you something.” He manages to get out.</p><p>Not what Jaskier was expecting apparently, he frowns and leans back a little.</p><p>“Tell me what? That sounds incredibly unsexy actually. What the hell?”</p><p>No. Geralt can’t do this.</p><p>“Fuck, you are cute when you are jealouse.” Geralt breathes, unable to help himself.</p><p>“She told you to tell me that?” Jaskiers frown deepen.</p><p>Geralt is only a man.</p><p>Only a witcher.</p><p>A male fucking witcher, who needs to do something about this.</p><p>He pushes Jaskier out of his lap. His bard looks a little hurt, but is soon cured of that when Geralt crowds him against the table.</p><p>Their eyes never stray from each other, Geralt making sure Jaskier can push him away at any moment.</p><p>But he doesn’t. His expression is open, vulnerable, hopeful.</p><p>So Geralt lifts Jaskier up on the table, settling himself between his open knees.</p><p>Slowly Geralt leans forward, capturing Jaskiers lips with his.</p><p>Sweet, stupid, oblivious Jaskier.</p><p>Jaskier whimpers and presses himself even closer to the witcher, arms around his neck.</p><p>Geralt holds him tightly against his chest and they kiss again.</p><p>It’s fire, they are melting against each other, molding together.</p><p> </p><p>“She told me to fuck you against the table.” Geralt admits against Jaskiers mouth. He feels rather than sees Jaskiers lips stretch into a smile.</p><p>“I can see why that had you blushing.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And that's the story of how the room on the second floor, third door on the left had it's table violated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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